Memoirs Of A Nobody

All of a sudden, angrily, Justin jutted from his seat there in the lounge and stormed into the lou; which, in a somehow refreshing coincidence, happened to be directly adjacent to the room in which he had just then encountered the single most transformative sight of his life. ‘Twas supposed to be a meeting of lovers; madly passionate lovers no less. But, as even the mildly observant reader will no doubt discern hereon, such was not the way of it. Not in the slightest capacity even.

The fact of the lou being adjacent to the offending room is the one I must now explain relevance for herein…  Justin was so affected and offended by the sight he caught in said room that he immediately became violently, both physically and otherwise, ill. And ‘twould have been quite a shame to ruin as admirable, and even in his own eyes, commendable attire as he had donned specifically for that particular occasion.

Aforementioned occasion being no less that the very moment he had dreamt of and planned since his formative years; his proposal for marriage to his truest love and the purpose for his every honorable deed or thought. He had saved, and even risked by investing, every single penny that he possibly could for years in preparation for this moment. Even so much as, by all observation, seemingly foolishly rehearsing in front of a floor-length mirror, time and time again, as swift and elegant a set of movements and words as he could conceive so as to seem the prince-charming of sorts that she was, in his mind, entirely deserving of.

He had, in fact, spent so much time and mental effort on the composition and choreography of said words and movements as to delay, and nearly negate the planning of, all, every single one, of his prior arranged affairs such as grocery shopping and eating. He loved her that much. But she, apparently to him, returned no such affections and/or endearments; as evidenced by the ostensible scowl mutilating her beautiful face those few arduous moments prior.

And such, such was the void of concern or endearment Janie showed to him then that Justin nearly collapsed under the weight. In fact he did, indeed, drop to his knees and such was the volume of the tile floor’s complaint that Janeycakes, as per the affectionate moniker Justin had given his beloved, burst into the lavatory at full stride to inquire thereabout.


“Justin? Are you okay in here?” she yelled loudly from the entryway. “No.” was the monosyllabic retort that came vociferously echoing through that bathroom in such a stern manner as to make her physically quiver and shudder. Then, between gasps and gurgles, a complete thought came pitifully, scornfully, bellowing forth: “How long did you think you could keep that charade from me?”

“I knew it wouldn’t be long. You’re smart Justin, contrary to what you tell yourself.” Janie then uttered as she inched forward toward him there, crouched pitifully on his knees, head bowed in shame and disgust, bellowing carelessly.